Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hormonally charged or getting crotchety in old age?

For years, I have witnessed how "old people" seem to get crotchety in their old age: They talk about yesterday's news and gossip to start new news, often attempting to solve the world's problems. They tell you what they think, whether or not you welcome their advice and somehow manage to say whatever they want. (Growing up, I remember my Aunt Sue saying "I can't wait to get old so I can tell people EXACTLY what I think".) They talk about their health (and the health of others) as if a broken record. Somehow, once you hit a certain age, it seems that you have to re-adjust your life focus to dwell on illness and other people's business.

Being only 33, I don't feel as if I am "old", but I am starting to fear the path of getting there.

Being a VERY happy-go-lucky person, I worry as-of-late how I find myself clenching my teeth and sometimes feeling downright angry. I wonder if it is hormones or plain old "OLD-AGE" setting in.

One of my cats has been irritating the heck out of me by bellowing out loud ME-OWS while the baby (or the entire household) is attempting to sleep. 

I often find myself irritated by messiness and having to pick up after everyone. I have been on a quest to clean, sort and purge, ridding us of "extra junk" that we've been holding onto.

I find myself biting my tongue when I get angry, wishing how I could ask for some help without coming across as "nagging". (My husband informed me that I nag him - like 18 times - to do something, leaving me to question WHY he doesn't comply after the first couple of requests; other than the simple fact that he knows that eventually, I will just do it (the task) myself and save myself the frustration.) I grow frustrated that I have to "ASK" for help; I have to ask for the over-filled garbage to be taken outside and must carefully choose my words so that it is set (specifically) inside the can instead of just outside the door for critters to get into. I am baffled that I have to "INVITE" my husband to help me fold a mountain of laundry or help to clear the table as he often just watches me. 

Somehow, being a stay-at-home-mom has blurred the lines of WHO does what, leaving me to feel as if I am responsible for doing almost everything at home, while he makes the money to pay our bills. (NOTE: I TRULY AM GRATEFUL that he sacrifices so that I can stay at home to raise our child, instead of having him grow up in daycare.)

Perhaps, VENTING this on my blog will make me feel better to get it off of my chest. Deep down, some appreciation for my hard work, leaving an unexpected "love note" or simply telling me that I look nice might go a long way. I am reading "The Happiness Project" and am trying to teach myself NOT to let things bother me so much; also, I am TRYING not to nag as much, which basically just means to stop expecting help, do things myself and bite my tongue, yet give praise in the event that I do get a little outside help.

[[DEEP BREATH]] Duties call... baby is awake. (Thankfully, I managed to sneak in a shower.)