You don't bring me flowers anymore....

I am guessing that it is pregnancy hormones that was causing it, but the other night, I was down-right SAD. I had taped most of a movie on television (Where the Heart Is) because once upon a time, I had read the book. After Mike and the baby were in bed, I watched the partially-taped movie with my cats in my lap.

In the movie, the young man had expressed his love for the young woman and she disregarded it.

In real life, I waited A LONG, LONG TIME during dating to tell Mike that I loved him. In fact, I had known him for more than a year before I expressed the scary L-word to him. (I did it in a homemade valentine card where I listed all of the MANY things that I loved about him.) His response to my card and my telling him "I love you" was "Awww!"

Ouch, that ACTUALLY hurt! "Awwww?" That was NOT the response that I had hoped for. Perhaps an "I love you, too" would have been more appropriate! Or at least a "Thank you; this is the sweetest card I have ever received and I can tell how much thought and love you put into making this for me."

Later in the movie, the young man told her again that he loved her and point-blank asked her if she loved him back. Eventually, after a long-pause, she replied NO (which was a lie, but hurtful none-the-less).

In real life, a tear rolled down my cheek as I started to contemplate my husband's love for me. 

I reminded myself that HE was the one who jeopardized his career to be with me, HE was the one who proposed, HE was the one who asked me to be his wife and the mother of his children, HE was the one who married me in a wonderfully perfect wedding ceremony and that HE was the one who wanted to start a family together. So, why is it that HE is the one who never utters the words "I love you." 

To this day, sometimes his response to "I love you" is STILL "Awww!" while it is mostly "I love you, too." When I ask for a hug, I had to specify that he NOT sigh loudly and roll his eyes, but to enjoy those six seconds of warmth and embrace. (I know that I look forward to this daily hug immensely.)

When I went to bed that night, I woke him and asked him to hold me. He willingly complied. He wondered what the matter was so, I told him that I was upset by the movie on tv and that it was probably pregnancy-hormone-related. I told him about the situation and expressed how I know first-hand how badly that hurts when you feel like you're not loved in return.

While he held me in his arms, I waited for him to squeeze me tighter and tell me "Of course, I love you."

It never happened.

I wondered what I was doing wrong that my own husband didn't actually feel LOVE towards me. After waiting what seemed like an eternity, but was most likely just a matter of minutes later, I asked him just that. "What do I need to do to make you love me?"

He casually told me that I was being silly and that of course, he loved me. He also informed me that I tell HIM all the time so, he doesn't have to. (All the Time: Translation= once before bed, daily.)

I wondered "Why don't YOU ever tell ME?" (He has informed me one more than one occasion that I am "a wonderful person" but THAT seems to be the closest he gets to it. He sticks to the [sigh... OK, fine] "I love you, too".)

I reminded myself that my pregnancy hormones were PROBABLY partly to blame for my current state of mind. But it weighed enough on my conscience to come to the surface.

As I lay there, trying to fall asleep, I HOPED that my best friend's upcoming marriage never leaves her feeling this same way; I hope that she is TRULY LOVED and that her man isn't afraid to express it. I went to bed with the Barbara Streisand song "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" running through my head. 

The next morning, when I called Mike at work for our daily "Good Morning" phone call, he quickly and excitedly said "Good Morning. I love you!" as soon as he heard my voice on the line.

I'll take what I can get... it's a step in the right direction! 

In the meantime, I will continue to get my 6-second hugs and will keep expressing my love for him; my life has been SO MUCH BETTER with him in it and I am forever thankful that I met him!

• • • • •

Today, while I hugged him in his recliner, he turned his cheek when I attempted to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Gee, I wonder WHY I would ever think you don't love me?"

He laughed. (I didn't think it was QUITE as funny.) Smart-ass.

Hormonally charged or getting crotchety in old age?

For years, I have witnessed how "old people" seem to get crotchety in their old age: They talk about yesterday's news and gossip to start new news, often attempting to solve the world's problems. They tell you what they think, whether or not you welcome their advice and somehow manage to say whatever they want. (Growing up, I remember my Aunt Sue saying "I can't wait to get old so I can tell people EXACTLY what I think".) They talk about their health (and the health of others) as if a broken record. Somehow, once you hit a certain age, it seems that you have to re-adjust your life focus to dwell on illness and other people's business.

Being only 33, I don't feel as if I am "old", but I am starting to fear the path of getting there.

Being a VERY happy-go-lucky person, I worry as-of-late how I find myself clenching my teeth and sometimes feeling downright angry. I wonder if it is hormones or plain old "OLD-AGE" setting in.

One of my cats has been irritating the heck out of me by bellowing out loud ME-OWS while the baby (or the entire household) is attempting to sleep. 

I often find myself irritated by messiness and having to pick up after everyone. I have been on a quest to clean, sort and purge, ridding us of "extra junk" that we've been holding onto.

I find myself biting my tongue when I get angry, wishing how I could ask for some help without coming across as "nagging". (My husband informed me that I nag him - like 18 times - to do something, leaving me to question WHY he doesn't comply after the first couple of requests; other than the simple fact that he knows that eventually, I will just do it (the task) myself and save myself the frustration.) I grow frustrated that I have to "ASK" for help; I have to ask for the over-filled garbage to be taken outside and must carefully choose my words so that it is set (specifically) inside the can instead of just outside the door for critters to get into. I am baffled that I have to "INVITE" my husband to help me fold a mountain of laundry or help to clear the table as he often just watches me. 

Somehow, being a stay-at-home-mom has blurred the lines of WHO does what, leaving me to feel as if I am responsible for doing almost everything at home, while he makes the money to pay our bills. (NOTE: I TRULY AM GRATEFUL that he sacrifices so that I can stay at home to raise our child, instead of having him grow up in daycare.)

Perhaps, VENTING this on my blog will make me feel better to get it off of my chest. Deep down, some appreciation for my hard work, leaving an unexpected "love note" or simply telling me that I look nice might go a long way. I am reading "The Happiness Project" and am trying to teach myself NOT to let things bother me so much; also, I am TRYING not to nag as much, which basically just means to stop expecting help, do things myself and bite my tongue, yet give praise in the event that I do get a little outside help.

[[DEEP BREATH]] Duties call... baby is awake. (Thankfully, I managed to sneak in a shower.)

KR turns 21

Kristen turns 21 this weekend! (Gosh, that makes ME feel old....)

HB Dolly

I have been busy organizing and sorting lately. I have now purchased and assembled a paper rack with drawers that will house my 12x12 scrapbook papers BY COLOR, as well as some paper scraps. In an attempt to use up some of my scraps, I made this card for Dolly's upcoming birthday.

Looking back on the blog

I kind of forgot why I had started this blog in the first place. I went back through it today to see what I had posted, other than a few recent cards that I had made. Turns out, I had started it in February 2008... not knowing anything about blogging. I had done it to satisfy my desire to write. I had mentioned that I had wanted to be a writer and that this is the closest thing to it. I had used the blog to document my feelings and fears of moving to another state. I had used it to document how great I felt in meeting my (current) husband and how I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world! I documented how he was driving me crazy with his SECRET PROJECT and how "if he knew how much it would bothered me, he would have started it much before my birthday". Funny how, once we were married, he seemed to have forgotten my birthday completely.... and if I hadn't said anything about having grandpa come babysit so that we can go out this week, he would have forgotten our anniversary, too. However, we ARE BUSY and our lives ARE different. I have gone from working retail and having all the free time in the world to make cards and scrapbook... to being a stay-at-home mom with little free time. And Mike works A LOT of hours and has been in the process of ripping up our kitchen for a few months now. All in all, life IS good. And perhaps, I do need to continue THIS BLOG... for me, while the Journey of Life one documents life as a family.

Life is good.

New Baby Boy(s) at M's 1) Jarred 2) Liz

2nd Assistant GM Jerrad Pieper and wife Amanda welcomed their first child - a baby BOY last Sunday.  Having had a busy week, with a mid-week trip to Burlington, I sat down to make some cards this afternoon while Mike worked on the kitchen remodel and while Sydney napped.

Also, LIZ, from the CapApps department is expecting her baby (presumably a boy) in another 3 weeks. So, while I had all of the supplies out... I just made TWO. (I started making them both the exact same, but I am not an assembly line cardmaker so, I decided to switch things up a bit...

Here are my 2 baby (boy) cards, inspired by SplitcoastStampers.com:

Card stock: white, SU soft sky* (light blue), SU blue bayou* (dark blue)

Ink: SU bashful blue

Ribbon: a handle from a baby boy gift bag.... recycled.

Punch: SU 1/4" square, word window punch

Stamps: SU Itty Bitty Backgrounds, SU I'm Here, SU Warmest Regards (most likely all of these sets are retired, but I still like them!)

* Both were former SU "in-colors" that I believe have since been retired; unfortunately, I don't believe that I had ink pads to match. After-the-fact, I wish that I had it all matching because the footprint stamp looks SO different in color.

Wedding Congratulations to Katie@M's CabAp

This is the card that I made for Katie, one of the girls from the Cabinets & Appliances Department who helped us design our kitchen. She will be getting married on June 26th and this lovely card will arrive via USPS to her mailbox.

I did not have any textured cardstock so, I improvised... I use ordinary cardstock and I just kept crumpling and wrinkling it in my hand(s) and then unfolded it to discover some depth and texture.

Cardstock: black, white. 

Accents: two half pearls for buttons.

I had found the idea posted in a gallery on www.SplitcoastStampers.com

Here was the inspiration that I borrowed the idea(s) from:

Happy engagement Kerri & Greg

For some reason, it slipped my mind to send an engagement card to Kerri and Greg. I was SO TOTALLY EXCITED to get the news, but making cards has not been a high priority in my life this past year. I realized my mistake a few days ago and started playing around with beautiful type on my computer, in hopes of making a card for them.

If, by chance, you (Kerri) happen to check this MyTwoCents blog before your card should arrive in the mail, please ACT SURPRISED! I am SO HAPPY that you have found each other. You, Kerri, deserve happiness. I am honored to be part of your wedding as well. You are a WONDERFUL FRIEND!

Lucy's 1st bday card

Sydney breastfeeding graduation invite

Sydney bday 1 party invite

HB Rachel

Grandpa = Good as New

B is for... MONKEY?

 

Since becoming pregnant and becoming a mother, my hobby of card-making has fallen by the wayside, which is unfortunate given the fact that I have an entire room (and oodles of supplies) dedicated to the hobby.

Mike's cousin (Tina) recently adopted a baby so, we needed to send a card for this new baby boy. My inspiration was blue paper with brown squiggle dashes, along with this adorable SOCK MONKEY stamp set (by Stampin Up) which I have been wanting to use one of these days.

I believe my cardstock was creamy caramel, chocolate chip and not-quite-navy. I used a few shades of browns of my "adult (watercolor) crayons" with a blender pen for coloring. I used 3D foam adhesive for the waving hand, the tail and the snout so that they are all lifted off of the page.

When I showed the card to Mike, he said "B is for MONKEY?"

Inside, I wrote: 

beautiful baby boy!

Congrats to Tina and Ryan on their new addition - baby Rhys (pronounced Reece)