Round peg in a square hole

I felt sadness recently when I opened Pinterest on my iPad because it brought up a list of recent search items under my account. Coincidently, I could see what my husband has been manually looking for while he spends time on the computer version of Pinterest.

Pinterest search: Hot girls

Yeah, I get it.... He's a guy and I "get" that he likes to look. I only wish that he would JUST ONCE think that I am pretty or to let me know that I am enough. Sure, he can infuriate me by answering "how do I look?" without even a glance in my direction and assures me that he likes me best WITHOUT MAKEUP ON, but deep down, I know that any girl that catches his eye likely DOES wear makeup.

For Pete's Sake, stare into my eyes or whisper in my ear... tell me that you love me (and mean it!)

I'm getting used to his exasperated sigh and his eye-roll whenever I ask him for a hug. Of course, ever since I read about the extended (six to twenty seconds in duration) hug releasing special feel good chemicals in your brain, I try to hang on for eight seconds. Naturally, I feel his rigid body start to pull away after a few short seconds so, I often announce "Miss-is-sip-pi" to remind him to slow down. He teases me for my math-challenged brain, assuring me that it was long enough. Our lack of connectedness makes me feel downright lonely at times. He's not really "a kisser" so I INSIST upon hugs; I can't give up both. Pawning off the hug and kiss duty to our children doesn't really make me feel any more loved by my spouse; that just makes me sad.

Pinterest search: horse girl photography

I am a city girl, born and raised to believe (far longer than I should have) that brown cows make chocolate milk. I don't willingly listen to country music. I prefer to read a book over watching brainless tv. I admire the thought of couples who enjoy sharing a pot of coffee together first-thing in the morning or a bottle of wine shared by a fireplace at night; unfortunately, I don't drink either. I've never liked to get dirty and (still) gag at the smell of manure. I wasn't raised around animals, except for a pet fish for a brief time. I've only been around a horse a few times in my life, never demonstrating confidence. I feel inadequate in his search for a woman who likes horses.

Please remember that you married me for who I am... 

I feel as if our relationship is a round peg in a square hole; the peg fits inside, but our differences slip through the cracks in the corners, allowing us to be our true selves.