Sometimes, he checks up on me

I am touched that my dear husband checks up on my from time-to-time to read this (old) blog. For the most part, I document our lives as parents, what we're doing and funny things that kids do/say on my main blog. This one, I use once in a while when I feel the need to JUST BE MYSELF or to document what I am feeling or thinking.

I could, I suppose, hand-write in a journal - where my thoughts are more private than publishing online and allowing others inside my world. Sitting in a quiet house after everyone has gone to bed, often with a purring cat in my lap, seems to just work better for me.... allowing me a few minutes to do something that I enjoy. (Afterall, that IS why I blog.)

Someday, I hope to be a writer; therefore, I call THIS a little bit of practice.

I am sorry to admit that after all these years, I am STILL pre-programmed to apologize profusely for things. (See, right there... I did it without even trying! Go figure... I recently noticed that our 2.5 year old son started saying "I'm sorry..." throughout the day and throughout private conversations with his toys... leaving me to shake my head and wonder What have I done?) When something BAD happens, I still am on edge (after all this time) because in my past life, EVERYTHING was a BIG DEAL! For example, the other day when the telephone fell into the tub full of water, I expected to be in BIG TROUBLE, but instead, hubby calmly said "It's no big deal..." (Seriously, I was MORE UPSET about it than he was!)

I don't know WHY... after all this time I still hold my breath, get knots in my stomach and actually EXPECT to get yelled at - other than (like I said) I had been pre-programmed to react this way for many, many years. I wish that I could just LET GO of that person and understand that I am (now) in a safe and healthy relationship.

I need to wrap my brain around the fact that I have a FANTASTIC HUSBAND who treats me the way I had deserved to be treated all along; And for that, I am INCREDIBLY THANKFUL!

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I also like to look at this blog... to take a quick peek at our official wedding pictures and to remind me how much I loved (and still do love) my husband.

Honey, if you are reading this... I am SO GLAD that I was in the right place at the right time... and that I met you!

I love you!