In the movie, the young man had expressed his love for the young woman and she disregarded it.
In real life, I waited A LONG, LONG TIME during dating to tell Mike that I loved him. In fact, I had known him for more than a year before I expressed the scary L-word to him. (I did it in a homemade valentine card where I listed all of the MANY things that I loved about him.) His response to my card and my telling him "I love you" was "Awww!"
Ouch, that ACTUALLY hurt! "Awwww?" That was NOT the response that I had hoped for. Perhaps an "I love you, too" would have been more appropriate! Or at least a "Thank you; this is the sweetest card I have ever received and I can tell how much thought and love you put into making this for me."
Later in the movie, the young man told her again that he loved her and point-blank asked her if she loved him back. Eventually, after a long-pause, she replied NO (which was a lie, but hurtful none-the-less).
In real life, a tear rolled down my cheek as I started to contemplate my husband's love for me.
I reminded myself that HE was the one who jeopardized his career to be with me, HE was the one who proposed, HE was the one who asked me to be his wife and the mother of his children, HE was the one who married me in a wonderfully perfect wedding ceremony and that HE was the one who wanted to start a family together. So, why is it that HE is the one who never utters the words "I love you."
To this day, sometimes his response to "I love you" is STILL "Awww!" while it is mostly "I love you, too." When I ask for a hug, I had to specify that he NOT sigh loudly and roll his eyes, but to enjoy those six seconds of warmth and embrace. (I know that I look forward to this daily hug immensely.)
When I went to bed that night, I woke him and asked him to hold me. He willingly complied. He wondered what the matter was so, I told him that I was upset by the movie on tv and that it was probably pregnancy-hormone-related. I told him about the situation and expressed how I know first-hand how badly that hurts when you feel like you're not loved in return.
While he held me in his arms, I waited for him to squeeze me tighter and tell me "Of course, I love you."
It never happened.
I wondered what I was doing wrong that my own husband didn't actually feel LOVE towards me. After waiting what seemed like an eternity, but was most likely just a matter of minutes later, I asked him just that. "What do I need to do to make you love me?"
He casually told me that I was being silly and that of course, he loved me. He also informed me that I tell HIM all the time so, he doesn't have to. (All the Time: Translation= once before bed, daily.)
I wondered "Why don't YOU ever tell ME?" (He has informed me one more than one occasion that I am "a wonderful person" but THAT seems to be the closest he gets to it. He sticks to the [sigh... OK, fine] "I love you, too".)
I reminded myself that my pregnancy hormones were PROBABLY partly to blame for my current state of mind. But it weighed enough on my conscience to come to the surface.
As I lay there, trying to fall asleep, I HOPED that my best friend's upcoming marriage never leaves her feeling this same way; I hope that she is TRULY LOVED and that her man isn't afraid to express it. I went to bed with the Barbara Streisand song "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" running through my head.
The next morning, when I called Mike at work for our daily "Good Morning" phone call, he quickly and excitedly said "Good Morning. I love you!" as soon as he heard my voice on the line.
I'll take what I can get... it's a step in the right direction!
In the meantime, I will continue to get my 6-second hugs and will keep expressing my love for him; my life has been SO MUCH BETTER with him in it and I am forever thankful that I met him!
• • • • •
Today, while I hugged him in his recliner, he turned his cheek when I attempted to plant a kiss on his lips.
"Gee, I wonder WHY I would ever think you don't love me?"
He laughed. (I didn't think it was QUITE as funny.) Smart-ass.
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